I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize