I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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