My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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