I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
