The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
