dude i'm inner monologue high
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
