someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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