you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
