Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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