I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
