I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
