did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
