i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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