Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
