I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
