he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
