Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
