i barfeds in our rink
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
