Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
