redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
