Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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