Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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