she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
