She's JV to your varsity
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
