Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
