you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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