is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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