words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
