I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
