I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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