I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
