Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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