I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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