She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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