I faked an abortion last night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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