I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
