We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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