My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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