it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
