Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
