like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
MIDGETS
????
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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