BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
