I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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