yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
