Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
