He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
