I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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