I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
