Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
