in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
