I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
