we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
