you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
