Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
