I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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