Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
