put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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