Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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