come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i believe in u and ur pee
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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