when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
