Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
