I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
