So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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