I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
