STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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