My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
