I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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