DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
