You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
